Notes

This was a particularly low point for me.  I was kept and held away from my friend, love and partner.  Many of my closest local friends were moving out of state or simply moving on.  I felt I had little control or effect on my life; inconsiderate forces beyond my will were at work to isolate me.  And there's always school and rent and bills to contend with. Suffice it to say that at this point in my life I felt like I had nothing to look forward to in life but deception, heartbreak, misunderstanding, loniless, neglect, and inconsequence.

My confidence and self-esteem had pretty much eroded away entirely.  I was offering myself and doing all I could and it was not enough to keep around me connections that I alone seemed to able to cherish.  Lots of ruination, self-compromise and so on.  Precarious times.  Maturity, mm?  I don't harbor any romantic self-regard or illusions anymore.  This time saw me making lots of music and art and writing until I ended up playing the game as well in a last ditch effort.  Then everything stopped for several dry, strained months.

There are some bright spots though, mostly in the form of women singing songs of strength and intimacy, attractive and inspiring things like that.

"Thunder only happens when it's raining. / Players only love you when they're playing."